Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Yesterday morning, I woke up with a weird feeling. The feeling of losing something in my life. The feeling of missing some pieces of an almost-completed puzzle. The feeling like I used to have something, but not anymore. The feeling like I have let my precious things go away just like that.

There are some people who has given big contributions into my life, they are the big pieces of my almost-completed life. I never expected that I would ever miss them. I never thought that I would ever realize that they are actually amazing people. And all this time, I never realized that I'd let them go away and yet kept letting another ones go away out of my life, one by one.

I have some people whom I never contact anymore. I don't have their facebooks, they have changed their phone numbers, I don't follow their twitter, totally lost them. And that morning, I felt so stupid for letting them disappear from my life. And now I want to try to contact them, I just don't know how.
I miss them, terribly. I want to see them again. I want to know what has changed after all this years. I want to know whether they already have kids, what their jobs are, how they look like now, and I even want to know whether they still remember me or not. I want to know whether they miss me like I miss them or not.
I want to know everything about them, but I don't know how. I have lost them.

Maybe it's right. People come and go. They come into our lives, scratch something in our memories, then just go. And all that is left, is just the regret for letting them go and the sad feeling for not being able to feel their existence in this world anymore.

And now I realize that there are some parts in our lives that we can't hold forever. There are some parts in our lives that we can't see forever. And there are some parts in our lives that we can't have forever. Because everything is gonna fade away. Soon. Soon enough until you realize that you have lost them.

When was the last time you contacted someone who is used to be your bestfriend when you were in elementary school?
I had this bestfriend in elementary school, named... Wait, I don't even remember his name anymore.
We were bestfriends. We went here and there together, laughed together, and we spent our childhood together. When we were in the 5th grade, he had to move to another city, so we had to split. And now I don't know where he is anymore. All he left was just the memories in my mind, and a small comic book that he gave me as the farewell present. I didn't even give him anything as the farewell present.
That's all. Our story ended right on the day he moved.
Maybe now we go to the same campus. Maybe we have ever bumped into each other in the street or mall, but we never realized. We don't realize, and I am afraid we will never ever realize.

And I also have this teacher when I were in the first grade of junior high. She was the first person who opened my eyes about my passion. She was the first person who told me that nobody should laugh at me because I am not stupid and I am valuable just like others. She was the first person who said that I am talented.
And when I were in the second grade, she resigned from school, and I never know where she went to. I've asked other teachers, none of them knows where she is now.

See, there are some parts in our lives that we will lose. People that we know now are going to leave us. They are going to disappear and live their own lives without us, without you, without me.
There will be some people whom you meet in the street, and you would go like, "'I'm sure I know that person, but I don't remember who."
And there will be some people whom you will come up to someday and you ask, "Hey, you still remember me?" And the answer is no.

Maybe all we have to do is to love people we have in our lives right now. People who are still saying hey to us, eventhough not everyday. People who still smile at us when we see each other. People who still care about us. And people we don't want to lose soon or forever.
Maybe all we have to do is to tell them that we love them and we don't want them to disappear from our lives forever.
Because we don't want to regret for being so stupid to lose them. Because we don't want to miss them terribly. Because we don't want to wake up in the morning, feeling like an incomplete puzzle.



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