Friday, March 19, 2010


Have you ever felt like being in the middle of somewhere you don't belong to?

Feeling like you're completely lost in the middle of nowhere and feeling so hopeless in expecting someone to come and tell you sincerely that everything is gonna be fine all over again?

Feeling like inhaling oxygen every single second and letting it flow to your lungs without knowing why you're doing it exactly?

Because I have. I am.

Well, to be frank, I think i am kinda down a little recently. I just feel like I don't wanna come to this place anymore. I feel like stuck in a dark empty room and I have no idea where the exit door is. I know I've been such a noisy nagger, but believe me, I've been trying so hard to refrain myself from being such a dumbass.

I don't know whether it is because this place is lousy or it's just me, I dunno...

Well, there are some reasons why I dislike this place, but I'm not gonna bear it all out, just because I don't wanna be the next PRITA (click here in case you've got no idea who or what PRITA is).

Some people told me that feeling like this is "normal", but I am afraid that I have always failed to find the "normal" word in this place.

All I have been doing in this place is: wake up, take a bath, go to campus, study, jot down what the lecturer quacks about, go back to dorm, take a bath, sleep and wake up again, take bath, go to campus, study, jot down what the lecturer quacks about, go back to dorm, take a bath, sleep and wake up again, take bath, go to campus, study, jot down what the lecturer quacks about, go back to dorm, take a bath, sleep and wake up again, take bath, sleep, and so on to no end.

Moreover, I feel like my life has changed a lot. And I really mean it, A LOT. I feel like I am not who I was anymore. I have changed. I can't be myself when I'm here, and when I can't be myself, I can't feel the happiness.
I know that some people might think that to change from the old me to the now me is a good thing, but I don't like it, I'm afraid. I'd better be the stupid-old-dark-me but I get total happiness, instead of being a good-now-me but I can't get happiness here.

When I turn my head around then put aside this drabful life (OMHG!! THAT IS THE WORD : "DRABFUL"! A WORD THAT EXACTLY DESCRIBES MY CURRENT LIFE THE BEST!) and see my old friends, I sometimes think that our worlds are different now, they have a new better life, a happy life, an absorbing life. They seem like they have moved on from highschool euphoria and I haven't. They might say it is not right, but I don't know whether I am being too sensitive and stupid or they just don't realize it sometimes.

And when I look how happy they are now with their new life, I somehow assume that they have a better life than mine. I know this is waaaaaay too stupid, but I don't know how to correct myself because I don't even have someone here to tell me that this is actually stupid.

Okay, now you can call me dumbass.

I hope this feeling is tentative. I really do. I've been trying so hard to beefed up my mental even more tho, so, yeah. I am sure everything's gonna be okay, and like what people told me, I will go through this. I just have to stick up for myself more.

But, please do inform me when someone has invented a REAL time machine, I am dead serious.



Let's us put that problem above aside. I sometimes find myself sick of being so mellow and emo like that. No, I'm, I am serious.

Been to long since the last post so, here you get a really long, unimportant, lousy, lame, and boring post, huh?

It feels amazing, huh, to talk about someone on blog or net world and let that person think then realize that he/she is the one that you're talking about? Eat this.

I have a bestfriend, who is now trying to move away from me and some of my bestfriends. (I know it is so epic to talk about a bestfriend on blog, but... *giggling*).

I don't know what to say, I mean, well, if you want to stop being my bestfriend, or you want to cut off this friendship, or whatever, read this and say this quote out loud:

"A friendship that can be ended didn't ever start.."
-Mellin de Saint-Gelais-

Enough talking. Tired. Gonna talk about it more soon.



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