Wednesday, November 18, 2009


I was about to publish a new post last night. But I finally didn't publish it, because after considering it over, over, and over again, I think that post was too harsh and I shouldn't publish it (yet). So I am waiting and might publish it at the very right time someday.

Now I'd like to talk about how people see me.

They think I am haughty.
They think I am arrogant.
They think I am snobbish.
They think I am stupid.
They think I am ugly.
They think I am obnoxious.
They think I am silly.
They think I am unfriendly.
You know what, they can and they surely have rights to judge me.

Lemme confess.
When I was still in Highschool, I was bullied by my seniors, and also by a few of my juniors. Some of them directly bullied me mentally, but some of them were just playing "bite and kick" sneakily. (I know it doesn't sound like "hide and seek", but at least I tried!)

I couldn't even trust my own friends. They seemed like they supported me, said that they would always by my side, and patted my back. But right after I smiled and thanked them then they got out of the room, I found out that they were laughing and playing with my bulliers. Nice, huh?

I have ever been to the point where I was really depressed due to all of the rumours and stupid thingies surrounded me that time.

All I could do was just maintained silent and smiled or laughed when they threw stupid jokes about me and made fun of me. Yes, I was the perfect bulleye.

One of my teachers once knew my problem (of course because how they bullied me was so obvious!) and then she told me, "Everybody critizes everything in this world, but dead people."

So I think, being judged and judging people are normal. Judging people makes you a human; and being judged makes you a complete human.


I learnt lots of important life lessons. I learnt how to close my eyes, close my ears, and close my heart to what people said, did, and thought about me. I learnt how to not give a fuckin single damn to every single thing they did.

Don't you think that I would have gone crazy, if I had listened to every single of their mockery, satire, and slander?

So thenceforth, I turned to be someone that wasn't really easy to be insulted. I became invulnerable, even I admit it I do still feel hurt when people mock me until now. But I'll just keep it silent and smile.
The only way I could burst all of my hatred was through this blog. That is the reason why I really love this blog.

And then last night I happened to visit some of my bullier's facebook accounts {not just my highschool bulliers!}.

And you know what..??


I laughed my ass off. Seriously.
After going through all of these time, I never thought that their evilish faces would be THAT stupid funny. It is proven that they were not and are not even better than me in any ways tho. Never have, and never will.

All they could do was just saying stupid things about people. All they could do was just making fun of people. Behind all of that, well, should say: nothing. They don't know how it feels to be hurt. They have no idea how hurt it is to be the underdog one. They have no idea how to shut their mouths up and behave.
And they never learnt lots of important lessons that I learnt from them.

I heard that people surround me now think that I am haughty, unfriendly, or anything. Oh hell yea, you can judge me, of course, you have your right for doing that.

But it is not about how to judge a person, it is too easy. It is all about how to prove your judgement about that person.

Now you wanna judge me, go ahead!

You know, I am not perfect and I don't see myself as a perfect role model for people as well. But sometimes, people do have to know the stories of the underdogs, like me.
p.s. : Thanks to all of my bullies. If it hadn't been you guys, my life would have been different and wouldn't have been this amazing, and I wouldn't have been a "though" person now. Love you all.




Junita Kosasih said...

So true nde!!! don't give a damn to what they said bout you!!! I personally adore the way u love ur self, the way u live ur life!!! in fact, they taught you lots and lots and lots of stuff, right??? hatred, pain, disappointment, all those make you a better person!!! No one can let you down and ruin your day without your permit, nde!!!^^ you're great!

"omongan orang kayak kentut. lo suka? ciumin sana deh, lo benci? tutup idung. biasa aja? ya biarin aja. It doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. be the hero in your life, it cheaper than a movie ticket, just live it, make the most of it, and be great!!!" ^^

NdReAz said...

hahahhahaha. thanks a lot, yuuuunnnnn~~~

thanks thanks thankkksss. :)

Anonymous said...

i love this entry!!! we are like this.. *me doind a pararel thingy with my fingers* mind alike